Sexplain It: My Girlfriend Refuses to Have Sex on Her Period

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I’m Zachary Zane, a sex writer, author, and ethical Boyslut (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I’m very, very open about it). Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and many other places, TBH). I’m here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn’t just “communicate with your partner” because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It.

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Dear Sexplain It,

My GF is terrified of bleeding during sex, so she never wants to have sex in the week leading up to and during her period. That rules out, like, 50% of the month. Is there anything I can say to let her know I don’t care if she bleeds on me or my sheets, or is that violating her boundaries?

—Bloodlust

Dear Bloodlust,

It’s worth asking what specifically terrifies her about period sex, in case there’s an easy fix you haven’t thought of yet. For example, if being on her period makes her feel unclean down there, maybe she’d be open to having sex in the shower. (FYI, there’s nothing actually “unclean” about being on your period, but alas, it’s how some people feel.)

Some people don’t want to have sex on their period they’re worried about their partner being grossed out. I can’t tell you how many women have told me about past partners shaming them for bleeding or freaking out in some other insensitive way. Given how badly your girlfriend wants to avoid bleeding during sex, to the point she won’t even have it a week before her period starts, I’m wondering if she’s had a negative interaction with a past partner regarding period sex. Make sure she knows you don’t remotely care if she bleeds during sex—maybe you’re even turned on by it!—and you’re totally game to put down a towel and go at it.

That’s all you can do, and you have to respect whatever answers she gives you. You’re not violating her boundaries by asking why she’s terrified of period sex, or letting her know you’re open to it. However, you are in the wrong if you push her even after she says no. You never want to push your partner into doing something sexual that makes them feel uncomfortable. If they don’t want to do something, you need to respect that—always.

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