WHAT DO IDRIS Elba, Stanley Tucci, Jeff Goldblum, and Rihanna all have in common? BDE—or “big dick energy”—according to people on the Internet. After quickly becoming a breakout search term in 2018 (we’ll get to that in a sec), BDE cemented itself as an official part of the pop culture lexicon. The Oxford Dictionary even dubbed it “word of the year” when it first made waves on Twitter, and it has since featured heavily in the lyrics of songs like “Big Energy” by rapper Latto.
But what exactly does it mean to have BDE? Does it have anything to do with actual penis size? And more importantly, how can you tell if you have it?
Here’s the thing: There’s no hard-and-fast definition of BDE. To a degree, BDE is in the eye of the beholder, and is totally subjective. (Hence why some may insist that Timothée Chalamet has BDE, while others scoff at the suggestion.) That said, most people seem to be able to agree on the basics.
With that in mind, here’s what to know about what BDE is (and isn’t)—and what kind of person has it.
The history of BDE
The origins of BDE can be traced back to Ariana Grande’s infamous 2018 tweet revealing that her then-boyfriend, Pete Davidson, possessed a penis measuring “like 10 inches.” (The tweet was deleted shortly thereafter, but the Internet never forgets—and has receipts.) Among the many responses, one Twitter user suggested that Davidson has “big dick energy,” and that tweet quickly went viral. Within a matter of days, there were countless thinkpieces and debates about who has BDE, and who decidedly does not.
But what many don’t realize is that the term BDE was actually coined a month prior—when it was used to describe the then-recently deceased Anthony Bourdain. In a tweet eulogizing the famed chef, Kyrell Grant wrote: “We’re talking about how anthony bourdain had big dick energy which is what he would have wanted.” (Grant isn’t wrong.)
“It’s a phrase I’d used with friends to refer to guys who aren’t that great but for whatever reason you still find attractive,” Grant explained in an essay for the Guardian.
What it means to have BDE
Urban Dictionary defines big dick energy as a kind of magnetic quality emitted by someone who “has a colossal phallus and doesn’t have to tell anyone about it.”
Urban Dictionary also notes that people with BDE possess the following qualities:
- Kindness
- Leadership
- Positivity towards others
- Great humor
- A “don’t fuck with me” aura
Something to keep in mind: Even if Grande didn’t brazenly reveal what Davidson was packing, his impressive dating history alone—which includes Kim Kardashian, Kate Beckinsale, and Emily Ratajkowski—made him the poster child for big dick energy. So, if your friends and family are often miffed by the people you attract, or you suspect you’re often dating “out of your league,” there’s a good chance you’ve got BDE.
But here’s what we learned when we polled a handful of people about their definition of BDE.
Lucy, 36, claims it’s displayed in “confidence but not cockiness… A guy who carries himself well but might have a bit of an attitude… he’s got that rizz.”
Eliza, 35, adds that “anyone can have it,” regardless of gender or other factors. “It’s self-assuredness,” she told Men’s Health. “The ultimate panty-melting combo is BDE with a dash of bashfulness. Like, you’re confident, but will absolutely blush when your crush says something a little naughty.”
According to Alex, 32, BDE can’t really be cultivated. “You can’t buy it, you can’t learn it — either have it or you don’t. If you think you have it you probably don’t,” they said. “Because that’s the thing about BDE: as soon as you start feeling yourself a little bit too much, it instantly evaporates.”
Zoe, 35, agrees. “It’s swagger without bravado—with a sprinkling of chivalry in the best cases but sometimes just aloofness,” she explained. “But men should know that they cannot fool us, BDE is not dictated (pun) by the individual but by those who observe them.”
And by the way, if you’re insecure about your height—Julia, 30, wants you to know that you can definitely still give off BDE even if you don’t qualify for the NBA.
“I feel like I need to preface this by saying that I don’t think only short men have BDE, but they’re truly what comes to mind,” she told Men’s Health. “BDE to me is all about how you carry yourself. I’m picturing a short king who’s walking tall with his shoulders back and exuding charm, wit, and compassion. He’s not trying to overcompensate, battle some Napoleon Complex, or feel the need to prove his point or validate his opinion.”
Grant, the inventor of this catchy phrase, admits that she doesn’t have BDE herself, because she owns the Hamilton soundtrack. “Anybody who owns that can’t have it,” she wrote.
But then again, having insecurities doesn’t automatically disqualify you from having BDE, says Zoe—in fact, it’s quite to the contrary.
“Self-deprecation actually goes a long way,” she adds.
While definitions across the Internet can range, it seems one thing folks can agree on is this: if you brag about the size of your D, you definitely don’t have BDE. You know the guy who has to drive the most expensive and impractical sports car or humblebrag about his international travels or professional achievements on social media? Yeah, that’s automatic LDE.
