THE BEAUTIFUL THING about orgasms, besides the sheer pleasure involved, is that no two are alike. Depending on whether you’re alone or with a partner, using a toy or your hand, have 30 minutes of play or 30 seconds leading up to the finish line, it’s a completely unique experience every time. And your penis isn’t the only part of your body that can get you there. Whether you know it or not, some of the most earth-shattering orgasms could lie in your other P. Your prostate, that is.
Also known as the P-spot (or male G-spot), the prostate is a major pleasure center because it’s packed with a ton of nerve endings. But let’s get one thing straight: Jamming a finger up your backdoor probably isn’t going to be enough to bring you over the edge here. The prostate requires a little finesse—the right techniques, strategic angles, and ample lube—in order to provide those sought-after powerful orgasms.
According to a 2017 research review, men have reported that it can take longer to achieve that elusive P-spot orgasm: at least 30 minutes. But we can promise you one thing: it’s well worth the extra effort. Some men claim that it’s downright “addictive,” and even more pleasurable than a penile orgasm. (Don’t be surprised if you experience some shaking or trembling.) Researchers think this is because prostate stimulation encourages more full-body awareness, which then heightens the whole experience.
“Prostate orgasms will be subtle at first and foreign because it’s new,” says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness. “Eventually, it feels more like a full-body sensation that radiates through the body. It feels like your entire body is orgasming. Learning to experience this can transform your relationship to your body and even help you understand female pleasure far more deeply.”
If you’re already sold on the idea of having a prostate orgasm — and who could blame you? — read on for some must-know info about how to get there and what to expect.
Who can have a prostate orgasm?
There’s a problematic yet persistent notion out there that you can’t be straight and enjoy butt play. This is false—a complete myth.
“Anyone who has a prostate can potentially have a prostate orgasm, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, and member of the Men’s Health Advisory Board.
How do you achieve a prostate orgasm?
As with any new sexual activity, learning how to have a prostate orgasm takes preparation and practice. Here are some expert-approved tips, techniques, and other important things to know.
Learn where your prostate is.
If you’re new to anal play, the first step is finding your prostate. The walnut-sized gland is located underneath the bladder and in front of the rectum, and you can stimulate it by putting fingers or toys (anal beads, dildos, etc.) about three inches into your butt.
Try it on your own first.
Kenneth Play, sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, suggests experimenting with yourself (if you can!) before trying with your partner. “I recommend masturbation rather than partner play to start this exploration because you have a direct feedback loop,” he says. “Without having to instruct someone else or worry about being comfortable, things are much simpler and more effective.”
Know that there are two ways to achieve a prostate orgasm: through internal and external stimulation.
Now, we know you might be scratching your head in confusion, wondering how there can be an external prostate orgasm when the prostate is located inside your anus. But here’s a quick bio lesson: an external prostate orgasm is when you stimulate your prostate “externally, by applying pressure between your anus and your testicles,” Saynt explains (in other words, by massaging your perineum). No insertion required.
Internal orgasms, on the other hand, involve massaging your prostate (with the help of fingers and/or sex toys and lots of lube).
Massage your perineum.
Ready to experiment with external prostate stimulation? Start off by taking two fingers, dousing them with lube, and then applying repeated pressure to that area between the anus and testicles.
The most sensitive you are, the easier it is to orgasm, Saynt says. If you’re having trouble achieving that big O, Play recommends stimulating your penis with a vibrator or other sex toys while you knead your perineum. Not everyone can climax solely from prostate stimulation, and that’s okay.
If you’re going up the butt, clean out beforehand.
Going through the back door can be lots of fun, but you’ll also need a lot more preparation. Start off by taking a shower and douching your booty, so you don’t end up accidentally touching poop, Saynt says. (That said, it helps to accept that a little feces contact comes with the territory of butt play!)
Relax your booty by getting in the mood.
Once you’re done cleaning, get the party started by getting yourself turned on. You could watch porn or listen to some erotica while you start to stroke your penis. Just remember, you’re not trying to rush to a penile orgasm—this is all about warming yourself up for prostate play. “Start stimulating your penis to get to a certain level of arousal before anal penetration, ‘cause otherwise it can feel like a medical exam,” Play says.
Use lots of lube before inserting your fingers.
Unless you’re into pain (no judgment here), please, please, please use lube. Lehmiller recommends water-based or silicone. Lube up your middle and pointer fingers before slowly—emphasis on slowly—penetrating your anus. “Move your fingers in a come [hither] motion, and you’ll begin to build up the pressure needed to orgasm,” Saynt explains.
You can try using a sex toy, too.
Prostate massagers are vibrating toys that are specifically designed to go up your butt and stimulate your P-spot. “They have different vibration intensities and settings, so that you can sort of customize it for the right type of prostate stimulation for you,” Lehmiller says. “And some of those prostate stimulators also have other attachments to them, such as a cock ring so that you can provide penile stimulation and prostate stimulation at the same time.” Some also have an attachment that stimulates the perineum, so you can massage the prostate internally and externally at the same time.
If you’re using a toy, make sure you lube it up, too; just beware of mixing silicone lube with silicone toys, as the lube can cause the toys to erode.
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Stimulate your penis and prostate at the same time.
Continue jacking off your erection and stimulating your prostate until you feel a build-up of pleasure coming from deep within you (it’ll feel different than the build-up to a penile orgasm, which is more localized in your junk). Once you feel like you’re nearly at the point of release, let go of your penis and focus entirely on your prostate until you climax.
You may notice some bodily fluids.
Don’t be scared if you notice some fluid coming out of your butt—that’s just mucus, and it’s totally normal! (Think of it as male W.A.P.) You may also notice ejaculate coming out of your penis, even though you’re not having a penile orgasm. It’s all natural, though it can be a bit messy, so remember to use a towel.
Aftercare is important!
A prostate orgasm may be unlike anything you’ve felt before, so it’s important to relax afterward and process what you just experienced. If you played with a partner, check in with them and see how they’re doing. “Chill out!” Play says. “Don’t rush into cleaning and trying to make everything tidy. Make sure to honor any feelings that come up and take time to cuddle, drink tea, etc.”
When you feel ready to move again, experts recommend showering, douching, and cleaning off any lube or sex toys so bacteria doesn’t cause an infection.
Is it hard to achieve a prostate orgasm?
As Lehmiller notes, there is limited research on prostate orgasms, so personal experimentation is important.
That trial and error process can be time-consuming. Some prostate owners achieve the big O on the first go-around, while others have to have a bit (or a lot!) of practice before finding what works, Saynt says. It also doesn’t help that some prostate owners feel ashamed or less manly when partaking prostate play: “The internalized shame and feelings of inadequacy could cause mental blocks which prevent the free release of the natural sex drugs our brains release when we are at our most heightened sense of pleasure,” he says. “This fear is a trauma which many men will never get past, making enjoyable and healthy practices like prostate orgasm impossible.”
Thus, it’s important for partners—especially vulva-owners—to be supportive. If you’re helping your partner achieve a prostate orgasm for the first time, take it slow; don’t use toys or fingers until your partner is ready, and have frequent conversations with your partner about what they do and do not like. You can even ask them to demonstrate how they masturbate with their prostate.
Be mindful that your partner will not always achieve a prostate orgasm, and that’s okay. “There’s a vulnerability that comes into play when men are being penetrated,” Saynt explains. “Unless you’ve been fully [transparent] in your conversations leading up to P-play, there may be lingering traumas or experiences which make the situation uncomfortable. Respect the time it may take for some men to be fully comfortable with prostate stimulation with a partner.”
What does a prostate orgasm feel like?
Sex should not be painful, and that goes for working toward a prostate orgasm. With lots of lube and patience, the most you should feel is a little discomfort until your body familiarizes itself with the sensation of prostate stimulation, Play says.
Once you get to the climax, the feeling of a prostate orgasm can be other-worldly. “It feels more like a full-body orgasm, and is very different from the kind you’ve had from penile stimulation,” Play says. Pretty powerful, eh?
Unlike penile orgasms, prostate orgasms don’t come with a refractory period, making them ideal for penis-owners who want to experience multiple orgasms. “To my surprise, what I’ve found is that after I have a prostate orgasm, my penis stays hard and is still responsive to sexual stimulation,” Play says. “If you continue to masturbate by touching your penis, you can immediately have another orgasm. Eventually, you can have more and more orgasms. So, all in all, I think that prostate orgasms have the most potential for accessible multiple orgasms.”
