Become an Oral Sex Pro With These 35 Expert Tips

WHETHER YOU PREFER to call it eating out, cunnilingus, clit-licking, oral sex on a vulva can be THE perfect path to your partner’s pleasure—and that’s not hyperbole!

Research literally proves that oral sex is the most reliable way to help a person with a vulva orgasm. One study published in the journal Sex and Marital Therapy found that less than one-fifth (18 percent) of vulva-owners can orgasm from penetration alone, while the vast majority (72 percent) require clitoral stimulation in order to climax and no type of sex puts the clitoris front and center quite like oral sex. Plus, a 2019 study found that couples who give and receive oral sex maintain happier, more sexually active relationships long-term.

The issue? Many people don’t know what the heck they are doing down there—and don’t feel confident or comfortable enough to ask for instruction. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to improve your oral sex technique (and communicating with your partner is just one of those tips!).

From incorporating toys, to trying different positions, to using your tongue in unique ways, we have all the expert-approved information you need to up your game. Ahead, the best 34 oral sex tips for the next time you’re going down on your partner.

1. Take an anatomy lesson.

Even if you went to a school that did teach sex education, odds are you spent more time rolling a condom onto a banana, getting your fear mongered, and looking at pictures of blue waffles, rather than actually learning about sex, sexual anatomy, or pleasure.

“Most of us have never been given a tour of the vulva or vagina, nor had the appearance and location of these beautiful parts explained to us,” says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the SexWithDrJess Podcast and expert with Lovehoney. However, knowing these parts isn’t just helpful for giving good cunnilingus, it’s also essential for being a sexual citizen of the world! That’s why she recommends spending some time learning all about the parts your partner or potential partner(s) have.

To start, you need to know that the vulva and vagina are two different things! “The vulva is the external portion of the genitals, and includes the outer lips, inner lips, clitoral glans/head, clitoral hood, vestibule, urethral opening, vaginal opening and mons/pubic mound,” says Dr. O’Reilly. Meanwhile, the vagina is the internal portion of the anatomy that connects the vulva with the cervix.

“Another quick bit of information that seems to be lacking: People with vulvas do not pee out of their vagina,” says certified sex therapist and somatic psychologist Holly Richmond, PhD, the associate director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. “They urinate from her urethra, which is a separate tube of approximated 4 cenitmenters that opens into the labia minora, known as the vestibule.” The more you know!

2. Forget what commercials have led you to believe.

Our culture bombards us with toxic messages that vaginas are inherently smelly and gross. Need proof? Just walk down the “feminine hygiene” aisle at your local Target or Walgreens and feast your eyes on all the douching products, wipes, and cleanses with ridiculous scent names like “spring garden.”

The thing is, vaginas aren’t meant to smell like that—and they aren’t inherently smelly and gross, either. “Vaginas are supposed to smell like vaginas, they aren’t supposed to smell like flowers,” says Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, New York-based licensed psychotherapist and host of The Wright Conversations podcast. Common descriptors of the scent include: salty, musty, tangy, and coppery.

The sooner that you and your partner can leave falsehoods about scent (and look and smell) behind, the sooner that you can both start really enjoying the act of giving and receiving head, respectively.

3. Make sure your partner wants cunnilingus.

“As with all types of sexual experiences, you’ll want to check in with your partner to see if cunnilingus is something they actually like and want, or perhaps hasn’t tried at all before but is willing to give it a shot,” Dr. Richmond says. So, rather than bee-lining it for their box, ask permission. “How you ask can be sexy and fun, and is just a way to center enthusiastic consent,” she says.

Some options include:

• I would love to taste you—is that something you’d be open to me doing?
• Can I go down on you?
• May I take these off and use my tongue?
• I’ve been fantasizing about going down on you all day. May I?

4. Consider your STI risk.

You may not be able to get someone pregnant with a little tongue action, but oral sex isn’t totally risk free. Indeed, it is possible for an STI to be transmitted from mouth to vulva, or from vulva to mouth.

“Oral sex is sex,” herpes expert Christine Johnston, M.D., an associate professor of infectious disease at the University of Washington previously told Men’s Health. Herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and other STDs can all be transmitted during oral sex—whether you’re giving or receiving, she says.

As such, you may want to talk to your partner about their current STI status and recent testing protocol. If they do have an STI (such as HSV, for example), or do not know their current status, you can minimize risk by using a dental dam or cutting an external condom into a dental dam. It requires some foresight, but another option is to order Lorals, which are latex underwear which function as a wearable barrier.

5. Build arousal.

Instead of diving head-first into someone’s vulva like an Olympic swimmer, opt for a seductive warm up.

Start with neck kisses. Then move down to their belly, inner thighs, and all around the vulva. Run your tongue around their nipples and chest. If your partner is on the kinkier side and you know they’ll be into it, you might try some dirty talk, spanking, or role play—whatever gets them in the mood.

The anticipation can really help bring you both into your bodies and feel grounded in this experience you’re sharing together. No matter how casual your cunnilingus encounter may be, the sex you’re having together deserves reverence and respect.

6. Compliment, compliment, and compliment some more.

Vulva owners need to be able to relax, in order to experience pleasure, let alone have an orgasm. After all, it’s pretty tough to orgasm when you are feeling guilty, ashamed, stressed, or even mildly preoccupied!

As the Cunnilingus Master, you can help your partner relax with a little verbal TLC. In other words, compliment, compliment, and compliment some more. “Compliments go a long way when it comes to helping a vulva owner feel safe and comfortable receiving oral sex,” says Wright.

Some options include:

• Your taste is my favorite taste.
• I love when you sit your full weight onto my face.
• You make the sexiest sounds.
• You’re so beautiful.

7. Get in position.

There are lots of sex positions for giving and receiving oral sex, but some are better than others.

Missionary oral sex is a good place to start, says Erica Smith M.Ed, a sex educator based in Philadelphia and creator of Purity Culture Dropout™️ Program. “Have the receiver lie back on a bed or couch and scoot to the edge a bit—then the giver can be on their knees on the floor,” she suggests. Putting a pillow or a rolled up yoga mat under your knees might make this position a little more comfortable. You could also throw your partner’s legs over your shoulders for easier access to their clitoris.

If you don’t have access to a bed or chair, or you and your partner generally prefer standing sex, consider standing cunnilingus. Here, the vulva-owner will stand up and lean against a wall while their partner kneels in front of them. And, of course, there’s “queening,” or face-sitting, but more on that ahead.

8. Try facesitting.

Yep, facesitting deserves its own subheading. Why? Because it can be really enjoyable for all involved.

“It can be comfortable and really enjoyable for the receiver to sit on the face of the giver—especially if they can lean forward to support themself with the headboard,” Smith says. Meanwhile, the giver gets to lie back and enjoy the sight, smell, and look of their partner with minimal neck-strain!

9. Give the ‘ole 69 a try.

It can be incredibly emotionally and mentally stimulating for a vulva-owner to know that you want to give them head for no other reason than that you take pleasure in their pleasure. So, you’d be wise to try your, uh, tongue at one of the other cunnilingus sex positions first.

But if your partner has an oral fixation, feels self conscious about having all the focus on them, or otherwise is in the mood for a little mutual lick-a-thon, try a 69 sex position variation.

Don’t hate it before you try it! “People find it highly intimate because of how close the two partners are to each other,” Dr. Lee Phillips, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couple’s therapist previously told Men’s Health. Makes sense, given that you are both torso-to-torso with genitals all up in your face and mouth! “Another pro is that both partners receive pleasure simultaneously, which is highly erotic,” Phillips says.

10. Add in a sex chair.

If the receiver is bigger-bodied or the giver has neck issues, consider investing in a sex position enhancement chair like this one or this one. Designed to be positioned over the licker’s face, these chairs help support the receiver’s body weight while leaving their genitals fully accessible for all sorts of licks and flicks.

Just be sure to check the weight limit before overnighting one to your house!

11. Or, try a sex pillow.

PSA: Neck strain is NOT an inevitable side effect of performing oral sex! Usually, if someone’s neck hurts following their head, it means that they were in a suboptimal giving position, Dr. Richmond says.

A good work-around is a sex pillow like the Dame Pillo or Liberator Wedge which are designed to put your partner’s parts at a better angle, she says. “If you prop the pillow under the receiver’s hips, it will angle their hips and offer more exposure to their entire vulva,” she explains.

“If they like being penetrated with a finger or a sex toy during oral sex, this angle can also be incredibly helpful,” she says. Talk about a win-win.

12. Furnish your home with some sex furniture.

Sex chairs and sex pillows aren’t the beginning or the end of sex furniture options, says Angie Rowntree, Founder & Director of the award-winning site Sssh.com, the premier destination for sex-positive, ethical porn made from a woman’s point of view, and sexpert. “There are also chaises, benches, or even loungers,” she says.

To be clear: These big ticket items aren’t just for oral play, but they can enhance it. “They essentially outfit your home with a throne that’s always ready for action,” she says. Indeed, many are structured in such a way that the genitals are perfectly positioned for tasting or teasing.

As an added bonus, “some sex chairs come with integrated restraints for couples who enjoy kinky play too,” Rowntree says. Fun!

13. Cover more surface area at first.

Don’t go straight for the clit! Instead, opt for widespread, gentle pressure at first. Kenneth Play, an internationally-recognized sexpert, suggests using “the flat of your tongue first, and moving your head instead of your tongue. This creates a larger surface space, which feels better initially to most people.”

If your partner moves around a lot while receiving pleasure, another option is to place your tongue fully against their vulva and observe the ways they rock and roll themselves against its length.

14. Know where you’re going.

Before you start lapping at your partner’s clitoris like it’s a Tootsie Pop and you’re an owl trying to get to its, uh, center, make sure you’re on the right spot.

First some clit facts: “The clitoris is actually a much larger structure than what we can find on the outside,” Smith says. The majority of the clitoris is underneath the skin. It’s shaped like a wishbone, and its “legs” run along the sides of the vulva. You might notice that your partner’s vulva swells during sex—that’s because the clitoris is full of erectile tissue that swells in response to arousal.

So, most of the time, when we’re talking about “finding the clitoris,” we’re actually referring to the clitoral glans, a tiny, sensitive nub at the top of the vulva where the inner labia meet. If you can’t find your partner’s glans with your eyes, you might be able to find it with your tongue.

Don’t hesitate to gently spread the labia apart. “You can use two hands to open the inner lips, or to pull up on the skin at the top of your lips to reveal the clitoral or clitoral head,” says Dr. O’Reilly. The clit may protrude from underneath the hood on its own or you may need to gently retract the skin with your hands, she says.

And if you’re still feeling lost, ask your partner to guide you. “Baby, I want to make sure I’m getting it here” will both work well.

15. Keep it light to start.

Lighter is better when you start giving oral… at least to start.

This area is sensitive—the clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings!—so you don’t want to go too hard. You can even start off with indirect stimulation and lick around the clitoris in circles. Clitorises and vulvas all require different degrees of firmness when it comes to touching and licking, so pay attention to your partner’s verbal and physical cues.

“Go in too hard and fast, and you may feel them flinch or yelp, so go easy! When you start lighter, you can build up the pressure as their arousal builds, but if in doubt, always go lighter first,” says Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.

16. Use the tip of your tongue.

If your partner likes more targeted, pinpointed pleasure, Play suggests using the tip of the tongue in your oral game. “The tip of the tongue can apply more targeted pressure and movement,” compared to the flat part of the tongue, he says.

As for what to do with your tongue? Experiment! Some people enjoy the sensation of a rigid tongue swiping back over their clit really quickly. Other people enjoy the sensation of a pointed tongue moving in-and-out, poking their clit with motion. Meanwhile, some prefer firm circles.

Just “remember to pay attention to the tactile sensations of your tongue to make sure you’re actually licking the clit and not just all over the place,” he says. “This is a more common problem than you’d realize.”

17. Use the flat part of your tongue, too.

Some clitoris owners prefer a more generalized sensation, and some like a bit of pinpointed and generalized stimulation!

Play mentioned using the flat part of your tongue as a warm-up tactic, but for some, it’s the main attraction! Using the top of your tongue, lick up and down, in circles, and side to side. Keep your tongue relaxed as you explore, as the more rigid your tongue, the more pressure it will deliver.

18. Remember that your tongue is not a thrusting dildo.

If there’s one thing vulva-owners universally despise, it’s when mid-way through oral a partner goes South of the clit, and starts tongue-fucking the vaginal opening as if their tongue is a stand-in penis!

Unlike the penis which is lined from head to base with oh-so-sensitive nerves, most of the vaginal canal is about as sensitive as, well, Renne Rapp in Mean Girls. Meaning: Not at all. Instead, the vagina has just a few clusters of nerves that can enjoy stimulation — generally dubbed the G-spot, A-spot, and C-spot. (Though, some people find the entrance of their vaginal to be sensitive, too).

If despite this anatomy lesson, you still have a hunch that your partner might enjoy a thrusting tongue, your best bet is to ask prior to transforming your tongue into a stubbing vibrating dildo. “Do you prefer this [demonstrate external stimulation] or this [demonstrate the tongue-thruster]” will work well.

19. Use your tongue on more than just the clitoris.

The labia, vaginal opening, and entire vulva area is bursting with sensation! Your tongue can create feel-good pleasure, anywhere from your partner’s mons pubis to their inner thighs to inside their vagina, says Dr. O’Reilly.

In fact, some people find direct clitoral stimulation too stimulating. If your partner jerks their hips away from your mouth anytime it gets close to their clit, pushes your head away with their hands, or otherwise verbally or nonverbally signals that clitoral stimulation is too intense, using your mouth to stimulate the rest of the vulva is a good work-around.

20. …and that includes the butt.

“The butthole can be extraordinarily erogenous,” says Dr. Richmond. In fact, the opening of the anal canal is thought to have nearly as many nerve-endings as the clitoris.

As with cunnilingus, you’ll need to get permission before performing analingus, she says. But assuming you get the go ahead, it can feel really good physically, as well as mentally. “It’s also a little taboo, which for some people, makes it even more sexy,” she says.

In terms of what to do with your tongue? You can lick, tease the crinkly folds, trace the circular entrance, lap up the length of the crack, or flick it side-to-side.

21. Tease the taint.

Situated between the bum and bits is an erogenous zone known as the perineum or taint. “It is an area of smooth skin between the vaginal opening and the anus, and it includes thousands of nerve endings,” Dr. Richmond says. “Like this area and your partner will feel even more pleasure than they would if you focused solely on the upper part of the vulva,” she says. Actually, some people can orgasm from taint teasing alone (this is called a perineum orgasm).

When exploring this area, Dr. Richmond suggests using a wide range of pressures and strokes to see which your partner enjoys most.

22. Use your fingers.

There is no Cunnilingus Rule Book that says your hands can’t get in on the action. Actually, if there was a rulebook, it would encourage their involvement.

If your partner enjoys vaginal stimulation, penetrate their vagina with one or two fingers. Your partner might enjoy thrusting, a “come hither” motion, or consistent pressure against the front of their vaginal wall.

You can insert a finger in the backdoor, too—that is, if your partner’s game. Just make sure to use lube for any internal anal play.

If your partner doesn’t enjoy internal vaginal or anal play, another option is to use your palm to apply pressure to the rest of the vulva, which will indirectly stimulate the internal portions of the clitoris as well. You can also gently press just above their pubic mound to give them a little G-spot pressure from outside of the body.

23. Chat it up.

While oral sex is pleasurable for lots of people, not everyone with a vulva wants a partner’s face between their legs!

They might not like the sensation of oral sex, or the idea of receiving oral sex might make them anxious. Some people simply don’t enjoy the sensation, while others “are uncomfortable with all the attention being on them,” Smith explains.

Obvi, if your partner says oral sex is off the table, it’s off the table. Similarly, if your partner expresses that they’d like it to switch to something else, that’s the rule. But being vocal about how much you appreciate their body, including their taste, can help them enjoy the sensation and attention, says Smith. So go ahead, do more with that mouth than lick!

24. Stay enthusiastic.

Nothing makes great oral sex quite as amazing as enthusiasm! After all, if someone is chilling between your legs, it’s nice to have them explicitly name they want to be there, says Wright. “When you are enthusiastic about giving cunnilingus, you give permission to your partner to be enthusiastic about receiving it, too.”

Your move: Let them know that you are freakin’ jazzed to be in the company of their amazing vulva. Some one-liners you might try, include:

• I love tasting you.
• I could eat you out all day.
• This is my favorite meal.

25. Add some toys.

Mouths and fingers are amazing, but they don’t need to be the only tools in your kit! Incorporating vibrators and other sex toys can up the ante on the whole experience.

You might try, for example, running your tongue around the clitoris while you insert a dildo or G-spot vibrator into your partner’s vagina. You can also have your partner wear a butt plug for some added backdoor stimulation. If they’re not into anal penetration but they’re open to other types of booty play, use a vibrator to stimulate the anal opening and perineum while you use your tongue on the clitoris.

If you’ve never used a vibrator on your partner before, ask them to show you how they like to use it first. Or, ask them for feedback as you move from spot-to-spot.

26. Bring in a sucker toy.

Your partner’s pleasure doesn’t have to stop just cause your mouth got tired — just reach for a clit suction toy and let it keep working while your jaw rests.

Clitoral suction toys use a combination of suction and air to circle the clitoris and simulate the sensation of oral sex. They are wildly popular—which is why it might be a good idea to mimic the sensation with your own mouth.

Pro tip: Add in some water-based lubricant to both the mouth of the toy and to your partner’s vulva. The added wetness will ensure that the toy feels more like your mouth than a machine.

27. Heat things up with temperature play.

To heat things up literally, try incorporating a little temperature play into your tongue game. “Using temperatures can alter and heighten sensations,” Dr. O’Reilly says. The idea is that the temperature variations stimulate, shock, and sensate your neuroreceptors in a way that feels pleasurable.

Using warmth in and around the genitals has the added benefit of increasing blood flow to the region, Dr. Richmond notes: “The sensation of heat increases blood flow to the surface of the skin, which increases sensation.”

One option is to keep a mug of hot-water or hot tea by the bed, and take sips in order to turn your mouth into a warm, wet pleasure tool, she says. Alternatively, you could use a preheating sex toy like the Zalo Desire Preheating Thruster or JimmyJane Reflexx Rabbit 3 to stimulate your partner’s G-spot while using your mouth externally.

Sex candles, massage oil, and wax play also work well here.

28. Dial down the temperature.

You can also dial the temp way down, to make your performance even hotter. “You might put a glass of ice cold water, then drink it to cool down your mouth,” says Dr. O’Reilly. You could even take one of the ice cubes into your mouth, then kiss and lick your partner. “Just be sure to start along the thighs before moving to the more sensitive skin (like that on the labia),” she says.

If you’re feeling particularly playful and your partner is enjoying the temperature alterations, Dr. O’Reilly suggests trying a technique called the wet trace. Here, you’ll use your tongue or even a finger with lube or massage oil to paint a wet line over skin (belly, chest, pubic mound, etc). Next, breathe gently over the wet trace you’ve created. “You can use an open mouth to create a rush of warm air, or purse your lips to create a cooler sensation,” she says. Better yet, alternate between the two to keep your partner’s nerves guessing.

29. Ditch dry mouth.

Wetter is better doesn’t just apply to penetrative sex, it applies to oral sex. Thing is, while most people know a squirt of store bought lubricant can add some much-needed slip-and-slide to shagging, they don’t realize there are ways to make oral sex besides spit!

One option is to use an oral-safe lubricant, such as a flavored lubricant. “When you use a flavored lube, your body and mouth responds to the flavor, as if it’s the actual flavor, so this can also increase your saliva production, simply by giving into our brain’s Pavlovian response,” says sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, MA, an expert with Lovers and co-author of The Ultimate Guide To Seduction and Foreplay.

Another option for givers who struggle with dry mouth, is to use an aid that contains xylitol, which helps to increase saliva production, says Stewart. “There are many chewing gums that have the ingredient that you can chew ahead of time,” she says.

There are also oral sex mints and oral sex sprays that contain the ingredient, which you can use.

30. Ask your partner what they want.

Showing interest in what brings your partner pleasure is a huge turn-on. Every person’s body is different, and people enjoy being stimulated in a variety of ways. Ask your partner what they want you to do to them. If they’re not sure, try touching them in different ways and encourage them to tell you what feels good, better, and best.

Fact is that you’re not a mind-reader. So, you’ll need to play a little call and response. As a bonus, this kind of inquisition doubles as dirty talk!

If you’re not sure where to start, here are some examples of how to solicit oral sex feedback:

• Do you want me to go harder or softer?
• Do you like when I do [X] with my tongue?
• Would it be OK to put my fingers inside you?
• Do you want me to keep going?

31. Pay attention to your partner’s body language.

If your partner is pushing their vulva into your face and moaning, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working. If they’re pulling away or if they’re silent, try something else. And once again, if you’re not sure if your technique is what your partner’s body needs—ask questions.

“Hopefully, [your partner] will respond by moaning, giving enthusiastic feedback, etc.—but some people are shy and feel shame about making noises,” Smith says. “If you’re in doubt, ask!”

32. Stay down there as long as it takes.

One of the main things that stops vulva-owners from having orgasms during oral sex is the fear that they’re “taking too long” or being “selfish.” This means they’re going to need a lot of encouragement from you.

“Let [them] know that you’ll be there for as long as it takes, that this is just about [their] pleasure, and there is no pressure to come,” Rowett says.

33. Enjoy yourself!

Cunnilingus may be about your partner’s pleasure first, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself. And if your partner can tell you’re into it, that might make the experience even hotter for them!

“In the same way that it’s so much hotter when you can tell that your partner actually enjoys giving a blowjob,” Rowett points out, “when you show that you enjoy it and it is genuine, the technique doesn’t matter as much.”

34. Spend some time doing aftercare and post game analysis.

When all is said and maybe even cum, Wright suggests engaging in a little aftercare. “Aftercare is the practice of checking in on how your partner is feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally after sex,” she explains. While the term is most commonly used in kink and BDSM settings, the concept can be applied after cunnilingus (of any kind), she says.

Immediately after oral, aftercare might involve cuddling, getting your partner water if they are thirsty, words of affirmation, kisses, or even other kinds of sex, says Wright. “Ultimately, it comes down to what your partner needs, so your best bet is just to ask.”

You might say:

• Mmm baby that was so hot. Do you need anything right now?
• I love how hot and sweaty we both get. Can I grab you some ice water?
• Is there anything you want as we both wind down from that?

You could even extend aftercare to the days that follow, by talking about oral sex itself. “If you particularly enjoyed giving it, you might share that with your partner,” says Wright. “Meanwhile, if you want to know if any techniques felt particularly good, you could ask.” This kind of dialogue will give you insight on how to make the next time even more pleasurable, she says!

35. Try these tips from real people.

To give you even more tips, here are a few juicy morsels of advice on grade-A cunnilingus from people who love to receive oral sex:

♥ “Do what I call The Zipper technique: Lick from the slit of the vaginal opening up to the clit and then all the way back down. Like you’re zipping up a zipper.” —Jane, 30

♥ “I was once with a guy who, no joke, gnawed on my clit. Like as if he were a human-cheese grater. Never ever do this!” —Gabby, 31

♥ “Don’t forget the vagina! While doing circles on my clit, I love inserting a G-spot wand, too. Then tilt it up to hit the G-spot.” —Shae, 30

♥ “While using a vibrator on the clit, put your forefinger into my anus and the thumb into the vagina. If anal penetration is not your thing, you can just rub around it. It feels f*cking incredible.” —Grace, 26

♥ “When someone is licking my clit the way I like, I usually grab their head and grind my hips into their face for even more pressure. I guess that’s not a tip so much as a sign that I’m really liking what you’re doing down there.” —Brit, 27

♥ “I’ve never liked warming lubes, but popping an ice cube into the vagina before licking the clit is BONKERS.” —Nicki, 37

♥ “Pop a butt plug into her ass before you go down on her. Game-changer.” —Lucy, 29

♥ “Stay consistent. I always have people licking my clit, or labia or whatever and they keep moving around. This doesn’t give me enough time to enjoy anything. If something is working, keep doing it.” —Rosie, 23