TOM BRADY’S PATRIOT days are over, but his loyalty to the man responsible for it all remains steadfast. Brady downed cups of tequila at Los Angeles Kia Forum during the taping of Netflix’s The Roast Of Tom Brady, while he and nearly anyone who ever said hi to him was eviscerated in slander by his closest colleagues and some of the most vicious comedians out there. His children, ex-wife, sisters, and almost anyone else in his orbit you can think of were disrespected in front of millions, with one major exception—New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft.
Only took 25 minutes into the three-hour vitriol marathon, “Roastmaster General” Jeff Ross got the first flag on the play from Brady. After poking fun at Brady’s ex-wife Giselle Bündchen dating her jiu-jitsu instructor and how he looks like “a vampire that only drinks almond blood,” he aimed at the lowest moment in Kraft’s public history. In a joke, Ross recounts how a newly-drafted Brady told Kraft that drafting him would be the best thing before adding that Brady then asked the billionaire owner if he would like a massage. That’s when Brady did something he didn’t do again the entire night: get up and tell a roaster not to mention something again.
For those unaware, Kraft was charged with soliciting prostitution in 2019 after allegedly paying for sexual acts at Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Florida, on back-to-back days. The case was part of a larger human trafficking investigation, which prosecutors stated involved footage from secretly installed video cameras showing Kraft at the spa. Kraft pled not guilty but publicly apologized for disappointing the closest people around him without explaining what he did. Florida prosecutors dropped the charges after an appeals court ruled none of the footage could be used in court, since it violated Kraft’s rights. That doesn’t mean people can’t poke fun at him for the whole thing, though.
Brady sported a light-hearted smile when he playfully reprimanded Ross about the joke, so one can assume he wasn’t serious about protecting Kraft from the jokes. Curiously, Kraft wasn’t the subject of a single joke going forward. Host Kevin Hart made Kraft and Bill Belichick hash out their differences over a celebratory shot of tequila. He also poked fun at Kraft’s age, saying he might not remember taking the shot with Belichick by the time he got back to his seat. But those were glorified pats on the back compared to the semen-filled humor that previously flooded the stage.
This is also not the first time Brady has come to Kraft’s defense over these jokes. When Brady appeared in Paul Rudd’s 2019 Netflix series Living With Yourself, he was seen leaving the Top Happy Spa before telling Rudd it was his sixth time there. The show premiered six months after Kraft was formally charged, so everyone thought it was a slick jab at Kraft. It didn’t take 48 hours from the show’s premiere before Brady explained the scene he agreed upon a year earlier, well before Kraft’s allegations came to light. He said, “It’s unfortunate that people would choose to think I would ever do something like that about Mr. Kraft.”
Numerous people, including Ben Affleck, imitated oral sex acts they would do to Brady. Bündchen probably received more disses than the man of the hour. The future hall-of-famer was broadly made fun of in lewd and off-color ways more than humanly possible for a few hours straight.
But, as Brady has proved in the past and proved again during the roast, no one can talk shit about Robert Kraft.
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